All because I broke her heart
by MillaMayhem
Summary: If I hadn't broken my sisters heart maybe things would have been different, maybe I could have been a part of my niece's life without it having to be a secret.  AU
1. Broken home

**Broken Home – Papa Roach.**

**Some of the lyrics have been slightly altered.**

**...**

_I can't seem to fight these feelings  
>I'm caught in the middle of this<br>my wounds are not healing  
>I'm stuck in between my parents<em>

**...**

I was 20 years old when it happened; it was only a few weeks after my birthday. Dromeda had finally succumbed to her need for the man she claimed to love a year after she'd finished Hogwarts. Of course our parents were furious; he was far from a pureblood wizard. I on the other hand had married Rodolphus the year I finished at Hogwarts, I became a death eater, and I grew up as the daughter they wanted more than anything.

**...**  
><em>I wish I had someone to talk to<br>someone to confide in  
>I just want to know the truth<br>I just want to know the truth  
>Broken home<br>All alone_

**...**

I remember my little sister crying as I stayed and hid behind a wall. I was too cowardly to defend her. I took the dark mark, married out of obligation and was willing to be harmed at the hands of the dark lord yet I couldn't even stand between my sister and my parents. She needed me so badly; I could tell she wanted me to be there to help her. Before then I always had been. As the tears poured down her cheeks I could see that she was longing for someone to say they loved her and to mean it.

When I said it, I meant it.

**...**  
><em>I know they love me<br>but do they even care  
>If I'm sad or I'm angry<em>

**...**

I remember the earth shattering yells my father released upon her. Dromeda was so small, still very much a little girl, even if she was an adult. She would always be my little sister.

I tried to fool myself into believing that they loved her, and that was why they were telling her that if she chose him she couldn't choose us. I tried to harden myself as they screamed horrible things at her. Part of me had wanted to curl up on the floor and cry like I knew she wanted too. I knew that she wouldn't choose us, choose me...

**...**  
><em>You were never ever there<br>When I needed you  
>I hope you regret what you did<br>I think I know the truth  
>your father did the same to you<em>

**...**

Our father's voice pounded against my ears, the sound of mother's shrill and disgusted voice making my skin crawl, Dromeda's tears... I stopped covering my ears, I stopped crying. I moved the curls from my face and took a deep breath. I stood and revealed myself to the room. My father looked so mad, his face was red and stern, and he was challenging me for being there. Dromeda turned to me with her tear streaked face and eyes so much like my own that I had to look away.

"Tell them..." She whispered.

I didn't move.

"Please..." She begged.

I clenched my fists. I wanted so badly to do what she was asking of me. She wanted me to tell them what I had told her. What I had told her all those nights while we were children. I couldn't. I couldn't lose my status as a Black like she would. I hated myself for it, but I couldn't.

Dromeda turned back to our father who now looked furious at me as well.

"Well Bella?" He asked through gritted teeth.

Now everyone was staring at me again.

"I..." I began as I turned to the sister who was so much like myself.

Her dark eyes bore into me, begging for my help. I turned back to our father with the strongest, most unemotional face I could manage.

"I think you're right." I whispered.

It was then that my sister cried harder than I'd ever seen her, or anyone cry. I'd held her heart for so long and now that I was under threat I had dropped it.

"Fine..." She whispered defeated.

I watched my little sister turn and walk away, out the door she would never walk through again.

She didn't even give me a second glance.

**...**

_I'm crying day and night now  
>What is wrong with me<br>I cannot fight now  
>I feel like a weak link<br>Push it back inside  
>It feels bad to be alone<br>Crying by yourself, living in a broken home  
>How could I tell it so y'all could feel it<br>Depression strikes me hard like my old earth would tell it  
>Pain bottled up about to blow like a gun<br>Stories that I tell are nonfiction  
>And you can't take it back cause it's already done<br>Broken home_

**...**

I remember how my father had retained this satisfied look as his middle child walked out the door. I remember how he'd been so disgustingly satisfied with me that he'd held me for an inappropriately long time as my mother just stared into space.

She had always been like that.

I remember how when he'd let me go I felt just as I had when we were children.

I remember how that night I had stayed at my childhood home in my old room, how I had cried all through the night.

I remember how I told Dromeda that she could marry anyone that she loved.

If only it hadn't been Ted Tonks.


	2. Two years later

**Capri – Colbie Caillat.**

**...**

_She's got a baby inside  
>and holds her belly tight<br>All through the night  
>Just so she knows<br>she's sleeping so  
>safely to keep<br>her growing_

**...**

For a long time I only heard of my sister. Our family, now for even worse reasons, had become the talk of the town. I heard of her marriage to Ted, her official becoming of Andromeda Tonks. After that? Nothing.

Then as I was walking down the street I saw her. I stopped. Mesmerised. Gladly, she couldn't see me. She was preoccupied. She was pregnant. I could see the bulge of her rounded stomach quite clearly, the glow of her flushed features as she sat down out the front of a store, the happiness spread across her features...

She was still just as beautiful as she ever was, I longed to approach her and redeem myself.

**...**

_And oh when she'll open her eyes  
>There'll be no surprise<br>That she'll grow to be  
>So beautifully<br>Just like her mother  
>That's carrying<br>Oh Capri_

**...**

I stood, hiding in the shadows as she waited. I imagined what that baby would be like. Would they look like their mother? Or their father? Like me?

I decided then that the baby would be the best and even more of everyone.

They would be smart, beautiful, talented and loyal.

Everything I wasn't.

**...**

_She's beauty  
>Baby inside she loves<br>Oh Capri  
>she's beauty<br>there is an angel growing' peacefully  
>Oh Capri<br>Sweet baby_

**...**

I was forced to tear my eyes away when Ted came back to Andromeda with an ice cream that she gratefully took and licked. I couldn't risk him seeing me. I couldn't risk _her _seeing me.

I disappeared to the far side of town with no one knowing I had ever been there at all.

**...**

_And things will be hard at times  
>But I've learned to try<br>Just listening  
>Patiently, oh Capri<em>

**...**

That night I went home to my husband and tried not to show my weakness. I wanted so badly what my sister had, almost as much as I wanted her to have that happiness. I wanted a husband that loved and cared for me, a home that was welcoming, and a life that was happy...

I lay in that bed wanting nothing more than to cry but I knew I couldn't. I held myself together as Rodolphus had his way with me and went to sleep beside me.

**...**

_Sweet baby  
>Oh Capri<br>she's beauty  
>Baby inside she loves<br>Oh Capri  
>Your beauty<br>just like your mother  
>that's carrying...Oh Capri<br>__  
><em>**...**

__Once I was sure that Rodolphus was fast asleep and wouldn't wake I slipped out of bed and into the cold air of night.

It was there I cried.

No longer for my sister who was forced from her family, nor for myself having been too weak to deserve my sister, but now I cried for the child who's life I desperately longed to be a part of.


	3. The first time we met

**Baby mine – Disney's Dumbo.**

**...**

_Baby mine, don't you cry  
>Baby mine, dry your eyes<br>Rest your head close to my heart  
>Never to part, baby of mine<em>

**...**

She was born Nymphadora Carissa Tonks. She was beautiful. Everything I had hoped and more.

When I snuck into their house as my sister and her husband were fast asleep I knew instantly where her room was. I entered quietly and shut the door just as softly. I approached her crib and peered down at the sleeping infant who had soft blue hair.

She was a metamorphagus.

For a moment I only stared but then I realised how much I longed to hold her.

My slender hands reached down to her and lifted her from the warm bed. She stirred and began to cry softly. For a moment I was lost having never had a child of my own but then I knew what to do. I pulled her to my chest and stroked her now darker blue fuzz. I shushed her softly and rocked her in my arms. I could stay like this forever.

**...**

_Little one when you play  
>Don't you mind what they say<br>Let those eyes sparkle and shine  
>Never a tear, baby of mine<br>If they knew sweet little you  
>They'd end up loving you too<br>All those same people who scold you  
>What they'd give just for<br>The right to hold you  
>From your head to your toes<em>

**...**

As she lay there in my arms slowly drifting to sleep again I absentmindedly stroked her soft skin. She was so calm. So unaware of the danger that her life would be placed in. Her ability to morph her appearance would have her picked and preyed on, my fluctuating needs would tire her, most of all the dark lords' powers and the actions I need to take for him.

I never wanted to hurt her.

**...**

_You're not much, goodness knows  
>but you're so precious to me<br>Cute as can be, baby of mine  
><em>**...**

She was so tiny there in my arms, so fragile, barely the size I expected her to be. I held her tight against my chest so that my heartbeat soothed her in her sleep. I imagined her dreams. I imagined her smile. All these things soothed me as I placed her gently in the crib with a lingering touch, not knowing when I would see her next.

"I love you Dora." I whispered.

I meant it._  
><em> 


	4. When you cry

**Don't laugh at me - Mark Wills**

**...**

_I'm a little boy with glasses  
>The one they call the geek<br>A little girl who never smiles  
>'Cause I've got braces on my teeth<br>And I know how it feels  
>To cry myself to sleep<br>_**...**

I was lazily flicking spells at my roof, producing stars and bursting fireworks, to pass the time. My visits to my niece had become much less frequent. She wasn't yet quite sure of who I was. Just a friend whom had to be kept secret from her mother.

**...**

_I'm that kid on every playground  
>Who's always chosen last<br>A single teenage mother  
>Tryin' to overcome my past<br>You don't have to be my friend  
>But is it too much to ask<br>_**...**

Dora was five now, having just started at a muggle school upon the insistence of her muggle father Ted. In truth? I was concerned. Dora was a Metamorphagi let alone a young witch. Who knew the damage she could cause. The damge _they _could cause...

**...**_  
>Don't laugh at me<br>Don't call me names  
>Don't get your pleasure from my pain<br>In God's eyes we're all the same  
>Someday we'll all have perfect wings<br>Don't laugh at me  
><em>**...**

I watched her in the playground from a distance. She had grown so much...

She sat on a wooden divider between tan tan-bark and cement, eating the lunch her mother had surely packed for her. I watched her take slow, tiny bites as she swung her feet across the cement. I chuckled inwardly at how her mother would react upon the ruin of her school shoes.

I watched for moments as she ate before three girls that looked about her age walked up to her. At first I deemed them friends but Dora wasn't smiling. The girls began to insult her for her brightly coloured clothes and pink tipped hair (surely she must have battled with her mother for the allowance of a few streaks). I watched the tears well in my niece's face as she stood and walked away.

**...**_  
>I'm the cripple on the corner<br>You've passed me on the street  
>And I wouldn't be out here beggin'<br>If I had enough to eat  
>And don't think I don't notice<br>That our eyes never meet  
><em>**...**

I found her sobbing quietly behind one of the school buildings. I checked quickly for any teachers before moving towards her.

She heard my footfall and looked up, drying her eyes with clenched fists.

"Bella?" She whispered.

"Yeah..." I smiled.

Dora smiled slightly too as knelt down towards her. The tips of my fingers reached up lightly to wipe a tear from her smooth cheek.

"Ignore them." I whispered.  
>"But..." She protested.<p>

**...**_  
>I lost my wife and little boy when<br>Someone cross that yellow line  
>The day we laid them in the ground<br>Is the day I lost my mind  
>And right now I'm down to holdin'<br>This little cardboard sign...so  
>Don't laugh at me<br>Don't call me names  
>Don't get your pleasure from my pain<br>In God's eyes we're all the same  
>Someday we'll all have perfect wings<br>Don't laugh at me  
><em>_**...**_

"Shhh..." I whispered as I placed a sharp, red fingernail to her lips.

She pouted slightly.

"Ignore them sweet Dora. They don't matter.: I said.

I brushed some of the mousy brown, pink tipped hair from her face and leant towards her to kiss her forehead.

"You're perfect." I said.

With that, I stood to leave.

**...**_  
>I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall<br>I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all  
>Don't laugh at me<br>Don't call me names  
>Don't get your pleasure from my pain<br>In God's eyes we're all the same  
>Someday we'll all have perfect wings<br>Don't laugh at me  
><em>**...**

"Bella!" She called after me as she ran clumsily in my direction.

"Please... don't leave. Can't you stay a little longer?" She pleaded as her small hands gripped my leg.

I felt the tears in my eyes then, knowing all I wanted to do was stay, but the longer I did the more chance I had of being caught.

"I'm sorry..." I say.

I pry her hands from my leg and sit her upon the ground. This time when I leave she merely cries.


	5. I'll still be here in the morning

**Lullaby for a stormy night- Vienna Teng**

**...**

_little child, be not afraid  
>though rain pounds harshly against the glass<br>like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger  
>I am here tonight<br>_**...**

It's dark when I arrive. The rain pounds harshly on my cloak, making a few escaping strands of my curly hair damp and limp.

I reach her door and it creaks open until I am revealed by the crack of lightning that suddenly illuminates the room.

She is awake.

**...**_  
>little child, be not afraid<br>though thunder explodes and lightning flash  
>illuminates your tear-stained face<br>I am here tonight  
><em>_**...**_

I see her cuddled up in her blanket upon the window ledge, her hair a deep, dark black; her eyes sorrowful and scared as the sound of thunder continues to crash into the night.

"Dora?" I whisper, slightly frightened.

I had never been in her home while she was awake. It was a dangerous place for me.

"Bella?" She asks.

"Yes sweetheart, I'm here now." I say as I pull the hood of my cloak down revealing wild black curls.

I come towards her and sit on the ledge that she has covered in pillows and blankets all the while wrapping my arms around her shaking body.

"There's nothing to be afraid of pumpkin." I whisper.

**...**_  
>and someday you'll know<br>that nature is so  
>the same rain that draws you near me<br>falls on rivers and land  
>on forests and sand<br>makes the beautiful world that you'll see  
>in the morning<br>_**...**

She snuggled closer to me and I hold her tighter.

"Rain does good you know?" I say.

She shifts making her soft, dark hair press against my chin.

"It helps to make those purple flowers you love so much..." I continue as her hair begins to grow lighter.

"Mummy says that it fills ponds with frogs in them too."

"Mummy's right." I sigh as I subconciously hold her even tighter.

**...**_  
>little child, be not afraid<br>though storm clouds mask your beloved moon  
>and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams<br>I am here tonight  
>little child, be not afraid<br>though wind makes creatures of our trees  
>and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand<br>and I am here tonight  
><em>**...**

The thunder cracks again and she jumps in my arms before I feel the trickle of a tear against my fingers. I reach the pads of my thumbs up to brush them from her cheeks.

"It's okay..." I whisper.

I follow her eyes to where they are stuck on a leafless tree which branches sway and creak making the moons dim light flicker. The shadows move and dance across her lawn and bedroom, making shapes across her home.

Her small body turns and places itself on my lap with her hands around my waist. She is so tiny. Her hair splays across my chest as her head snuggles down to avoid the frightening sights. She is so much like her mother.

**...**_  
>for you know, once even I was a<br>little child, and I was afraid  
>but a gentle someone always came<br>to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears  
>and to give a kiss goodnight<br>_**...**

The crashing of rain begins to soften as I feel the weight in my arms and hold it there for my own comfort. Andromeda used to do this. I would be lying in bed, listening to the rain, watching the lightening illuminate the darkness and I would hear my door creak open. There she would be in her nightdress and slippers, so short and vulnerable. Without a word I would make room for her and so she would climb into my bed and snuggle close to me until morning. I remember patting her hair until she fell softly asleep.

It is now that I realise I'm doing the same thing to Nymphadora.

**...**

_well now I am grown  
>and these years have shown<br>that rain's a part of how life goes  
>but it's dark and it's late<br>so I'll hold you and wait  
>'til your frightened eyes do close<br>_**...**_  
><em>I realise how heavy Dora's breathing has become and so my hand moves from her hair to underneath her. I pick her up carefully and she snuggles deeper into me. I walk with slow and careful steps as not to disturb her. I lift her rumpled covers and place her gently on the bed. As I begin to set her head down I feel her grip tighten around my neck and I feel a pang of guilt.

**...**

_and I hope that you'll know...  
>everything's fine in the morning<br>the rain'll be gone in the morning  
>but I'll still be here in the morning<em>  
><strong>...<strong>

"I'm not going to leave you." I whisper.

To this she lets go and snuggles down. I tuck her in and pull the rocking chair close so that I can sit on it until she falls asleep. I lean close and pat her hair that has turned back to its mousy brown.

"You are so beautiful." I say.

In no time at all her breathing is slow and heavy again. Not long after, mine is too.

I awake just as the sun is visible in the sky and I realise what I have done. I feel the sudden urge to scream and throw things at my complete and utter stupidness. I let my gaurd down. I fell asleep. Anything could have happened to her...

I turn back to her and she is sleeping soundly. I breath a shaky breath before leaning down to give her forehead a quick kiss. Just as I am leaving I hear the whisper of her tiny voice.

"I love you auntie Bella."


	6. Shame

**Shame - Drowning Pool**

**...**

_Straight through you  
>I burn, I burn<br>My tongue rhymes one thing, for eager ears to hold on to  
>You know I'll lie again<br>You know I'll try again  
>My words, ripping, tearing, straight through you<br>_**...**

I hesitated much too long, just as I always do with her. It puts her in danjer, I know I shouldn't be so stupid. With her I can... I can't explain it. I can be a part of me I shut out. A part of me that the dark side overwhelmed.

"Bella!" Rodolphus commands as I apparate into our home.

I try to remain unreadable.

"Where the fuck were you last night!" He growls ferociously as he comes towards me.

I stand my ground and shrug with a smirk and raise of my eyebrows. I watch his eyes flash before me. He hates my games sometimes; especially when he knows he is not in control.

"Where. Were. You?" He growls again as his breath comes hot against my curls.

I feel his fingers curl around my wrists as he tries to scare me.

I laugh.

**...**_  
>I, I turn my back on you and I will, I will, I will shame you, shame you<br>I, I've got no time for you and I will, I will, I will shame you, shame you  
>I burn, I burn<br>Let me touch you, let me get inside you  
>All I feel, I can make it feel all so real<br>You know I'll lie again  
>You know I'll try again<br>My words, ripping, tearing, straight through you_

**...**

I rip my wrist from his grasp with a sneer and lick of my teeth. My nails tease his cheek as I feel him relax slightly before I dig them into his flesh so that his blood trickles down my slender fingers. It definately is not the first time, for pleasure or for pain, myself included at his hand.

I see him tense as he clutches his cheek where I left my vicious mark.

I laugh again, that same laugh that once drove him crazy, now he knows it is a sign of my disrespect.

I suck a drop of his blood from the tip of my finger with a smirk.

"You want to know where I was?"

He is flaming now.

"Anywhere that meant I wasn't forced to endure your lousy excuse for pleasure underneath the sheets." I cackled.

His hand was at my throat faster than I could blink, yet in seconds it was gone and I was on the ground, still trtying to maintain that powerful turn of my lips that set him on fire every time.

It didn't take long for me to realise that my Lord was calling.

**...**

_I, I turn my back on you and I will, I will, I will shame you, shame you  
>I, I've got no time for you and I will, I will, I will shame you, shame you<br>No, don't you speak my name  
>Don't you speak my name, I'm pain<br>(Don't you speak my name, don't you speak my name)  
>I, I turn my back on you and I will, I will shame you, shame you<br>And I, won't hold against you if you never, never, never speak my name again  
>I, I turn my back on you and I will, I will, I will shame you, shame you<br>I, I've got no time for you and I will, I will, I will shame you, shame you  
>Don't you speak my name, I will shame you, shame you<em>  
><strong>...<strong>

"Crucio!" I screamed manically as Alice and Frank Longbottom writhed on the floor of their home.

Alice's screams echoed off the walls around us. They filled me with a sickening pleasure I could never explain, nor would I try.

Rodolphus and my brother in law Rabastan were having quite the night, they were taking out their sickest angers and desires on these traitors.

Barty had dissappeared mere minutes ago in search of something I payed no heed to.

If anything this night was good timing. Not only was I saved from being strangled but Rodolphus was taking out the brunt of his anger on Frank and Alice. For all intensive purposes so was I.

At a moment when Alice hit the floor after a particularly long lasting curse from myself and her blood trickled onto the floor I heard a whisper.

I searched the room for where it could be coming from when I realised, only I could hear it. A soft, timid voice.

_"Auntie Bella." _It whispered through my broken soul.

The curse I had begun to cast faltered as my legs did. What was I doing here? Playing the part? What part? A beautiful daughter? A doting wife? A loyal follower? A betrayer of the ones I love most.

If Dora could see me now, her eyes would gaze fearing and frightful towards me, a dissappointment I could never take. For a mere moment, in the small pool of Alice Longbottom's blood, I could almost see her face. Those wide eyes staring through me and hating what they saw.

"Bella, get up!" Rodolphus growled as he grabbed my forearm.

Caught of gaured I let a hiss of pain escape.

"The ministry is here..." He seethed as he pulled me quickly to an escape.

My legs were stiff and I felt like he was dragging my every step. I could here the shrieks and curses being thrown about but I wasn't there.

We had escaped far enough to apparate safely when suddenly, without a seeming will of my own, I pulled myself from his grasp and he apparated alone.


	7. Not what you deserve

**Pet - A perfect circle**

**...**

_Don't fret precious I'm here  
>Step away from the window<br>Go back to sleep  
><em>**...**

My mind raced as I apparated onto a fresh, green lawn, covered with the cold dew of night. I stopped for only moments to gaze at my neices window before I heard the front door creak open.

"What are you doing here?" A soft voice asked.

When I looked to the door it wasn't Nymphadora as I had hoped, but instead her mother, my sister.

"I'm here to see her." I say as I make my way towards the door.

Andromeda blocks the door with a less than stern look.

"No. You can't. You've caused too much trouble already." She whispered.

I try not to show how every word she says kills.

"I need to see her. Please..."

My sister just hangs her head. I step back a few paces and peer at Dora's window. She is awake. Staring out at me. When she see's that I'm about to leave her face dissappears from the window, the fast thudding footfall can be heard through the house.

I watch her push her way past a now shocked Andromeda before she is in my arms.

I'm kneeling down on the ground, soiling my dress with moist dirt on the already blood spattered surface as she clings to me and I run a soft hand through her hair.

Andromeda just stares blankly at us.

"Go back to bed Dora..." I whisper as my own voice begins to crack.

I pry her hands from me and begin stand.

"Aren't you going to stay?" Her small voice asks.

I breathe in a deep breath as my eyes momentarily flick to my sister.

"Not tonight." I say as I feel my own cheeks grow damp.

Dora see's and so her soft hand is at my cheeks wiping the tears away.

"You be good for mum okay?" I say as I flick my eyes to Andromeda.

"Okay..." Dora whispers as her hands find themselves around my neck.

I lift her up as though she is still an infant rather than a girl of eight before I squuze her tight and bury my head in her neck.

When I go to put her down, she does not let go.

**...**_  
>Lay your head down child<br>I won't let the boogeyman come  
>Counting bodies like sheep<br>To the rhythm of the war drums  
>Pay no mind to the rabble<br>Pay no mind to the rabble  
>Head down, go to sleep<br>To the rhythm of the war drums  
><em>**...**

I look to my sister for help. She is biting her lip in what I assume is both frustration and impatience. I wait for her to take her daughter from me but instead she moves aside from the door. I walk slowly towards it before waiting mere moments so that she can reject me. Instead she follows quietly behind us as I carry Dora upstairs and into her bedroom.

We pass Ted Tonks who doesn't look the least bit impressed at myself or Andromeda.

I expect my sister to follow me into the bedroom but instead she stands at the door with Ted whom now has his arms crossed.

"I thought you weren't staying?" Dora says as I lay her in her bed.

"I...I'm not sweetheart. I have to go."

**...**_  
>Pay no mind what other voices say<br>They don't care about you  
>Like I do<br>Like I do  
>Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils<br>See they don't give a fuck about you  
>Like I do<br>Just stay with me  
>Safe and ignorant<br>Go back to sleep  
>Go back to sleep<br>_**...**

"Yes," Ted begins.

"She does."

I look to him and hang my head. I know he is right. I do not deserve to have Dora in my life. I hang my head in shame as I lean forward to kiss my niece's forehead before I stand.

"Wait." She says.

'When will I see you again?"

I bite my lip and look towards her parents. Andromeda has a hand on Ted's shoulder to calm him.

"I...I don't know."

This of course, is the truth. I don't know if I'll ever see her again.

I can hear Ted and Andromeda whispering about me, I know Dora can hear them. I know what they're saying is the truth. I'm bad. I can't control myself.

**...**_  
>Lay your head down child<br>I won't let the boogeyman come  
>Count the bodies like sheep<br>To the rhythm of the war drums  
>Pay no mind to the rabble<br>Pay no mind to the rabble  
>Head down, go to sleep<br>To the rhythm of the war drums  
><em>**...**

I watch Dora as she turns and covers her ears. Her parents are now too distracted talking about me. I stroke her hand softly with my own so that she uncovers her ears. I use a softness with her that I never thought I had. She brings out the only good part of me.

"Is what they're saying true auntie Bella?" She whispers softly.

I sigh.

"Yes sweetheart. I am bad."

"But why?" She asks with wide eyes.

"I've done some very bad things Dora. I've hurt a lot of people."

Dora's eyes furrow.

"But you're not bad when you're with me." She says.

"I...I know. When I'm not with you I'm not a very nice person.' I try to explain.

"I thought people were the same all the time."

"Not all the time." I say.

She is silent for a few moments.

"Auntie Bella?"

"Yes sweetheart?" I say as my fingers stroke her cheek.

"Would you ever hurt me?"

**...**_  
>I'll be the one to protect you from<br>Your enemies and all your demons  
>I'll be the one to protect you from<br>A will to survive and a voice of reason  
>I'll be the one to protect you from<br>Your enemies and your choices son  
>One and the same I must isolate you<br>Isolate and save you from yourself  
><em>**...**

I feel the tears hot against my cheeks before I can even imagine stopping them. Within moments I have gathered her into my arms and am holding her head to my chest. I rock us softly as my curls fall over her head as I squeeze tighter.

"No. I would never hurt you." I say through falling tears.

"Never, ever." I say as I pull her to look at me.

Her big eyes, now a blue colour, stare into mine as she finally realises that sonething is wrong.

**...**_  
>Swaying to the rhythm of the new world order and<br>Count the bodies like sheep  
>To the rhythm of the war drum<br>The boogeymen are coming  
>The boogeymen are coming<br>Keep your head down, go to sleep  
>To the rhythm of a war drum<br>_**...**

As I am holding her I hear the sound of people in the street and I know that they have come for me. I am up in an instant pushing past my sister and her husband as they hear it too.

"Bella, what did you do?" My sister cries.

I am about to answer her when Dora runs down the stairs screaming my name as she clings to my leg. I am speechless. I have no idea what to do. I feel Ted as he pulls Dora who is now screaming and crying.

I hear them getting closer and so in moments I am gone.

**...**_  
>Stay with me<br>Safe and ignorant  
>Just stay with me<br>Hold you and protect you from the other ones  
>The evil ones<br>Don't love you son  
>Go back to sleep<em>

**...**

Out the door and into the darkness. Running not only from the ministry but from my niece's deafening cries.

I was too close.


	8. All the things I've done

**I'm with you - Avril Lavigne**

**...**

_I'm standing on a bridge  
>I'm waitin' in the dark<br>I thought that you'd be here by now  
>There's nothing but the rain<br>No footsteps on the ground  
>I'm listening but there's no sound<br>_**...**

I don't think to apparate. It would be too obvious. I already lead them too close to Dora...

I make it to the park where her and I used to play. I have made it furthar than I thought I would. I listen intently but for the moment they've lost me. I know I can't run forever.

**...**_  
>Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?<br>Won't somebody come take me home  
>It's a damn cold night<br>Trying to figure out this life  
>Won't you take me by the hand<br>Take me somewhere new  
>I don't know who you are<br>But I... I'm with you  
>I'm looking for a place<br>Searching for a face  
>Is anybody here I know<br>Cause nothings going right  
>And everything's a mess<br>And no one likes to be alone  
>Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?<br>Won't somebody come take me home  
>It's a damn cold night<br>Trying to figure out this life  
>Won't you take me by the hand<br>Take me somewhere new  
>I don't know who you are<br>But I... I'm with you  
><em>**...**

I sit by the water as I wait to be found. I haven't decided who will find me first. Whether it be the ministry, the dark lord, or even my husband.

I sigh as my fingers play with the water, making rippeles as they skim along the surface. As I grow colder I find myself willing for Rodolphus to find me. We are so horrid to eachother, I sure as hell don't love him but he is still my husband. Any love he had for me, I have long since destroyed with every vicious touch and harsh word. I just wish that he would know I was here and that he would come save me from the fate I know is coming. I want him to find me even though I know my intentions would not be kind to him.

I would rather suffer at the hands of him and the dark lord than suffer in Azkaban without my Dora. Ministry knows I'll probably never see her again anyway... My sweet Nymphadora.

**...**_  
>Oh why is everything so confusing<br>Maybe I'm just out of my mind  
>Yea yea yea<br>It's a damn cold night  
>Trying to figure out this life<br>Won't you take me by the hand  
>Take me somewhere new<br>I don't know who you are  
>But I... I'm with you<br>Take me by the hand  
>Take me somewhere new<br>I don't know who you are  
>But I... I'm with you<br>I'm with you  
><em>**...**

Images of all I've done flick across my mind and I find myself trying to shut every one of them from my mind.

It brings back images of my father and mother with their faces merciless and twisted, Andromeda coming to my room when she was crying, the day I put my own needs over hers...

Then images of my niece; as she was crying because I left her, as she was scared during the rain, as I held her knowing I wanted nothing else...

Alice and Frank Longbottom's twisted, bleeding bodies that showed me Dora's face.

Knowing I could not live without the twisted pleasure of blood and pain.

Everything had brought me to this.

**...**_  
>Take me by the hand<br>Take me somewhere new  
>I don't know who you are<br>But I... I'm with you  
>I'm with you<br>I'm with you..._  
><strong>...<strong>

I heard them coming before I had time to make my decision. Soon, they were on me, taking me to incarceration. Prison for life no doubt, with the crimes I had commited.

My body limp and weak from crying was carried by them.

The only thought I had was of the first time I met my niece.

I would hold that forever.


End file.
